No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
