FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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