Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
