it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
