I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
