it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
