Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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