I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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