i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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