Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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