So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
