I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
