the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
