Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
