she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
