I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
