she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Four minutes until I can fart!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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