I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
