my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
