Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
