I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
