This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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