why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My day in three words: secret purse cake
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
