took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
