Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
