At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
