you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
