I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
