Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
