my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
