This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize