don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
