woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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