Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
