Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
