Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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