I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He better not be in your backpack
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
