The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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