the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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