i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
