I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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