when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
