I can tuck mytits in my pants
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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