Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
