i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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