i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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