Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
