Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
