My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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