I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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