i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
