Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
