Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize