he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
