please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
