Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize