i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
