i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
