I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
