I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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