I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
