I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
