Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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