bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
pray to the hookup gods
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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