he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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