my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
