I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Shame - the story of my life.
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