We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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