So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
