I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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