mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Randomize
