I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
