Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize