he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
