I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize