please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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