I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
