There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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