i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
