we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
