Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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