So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
