my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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