like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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