the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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