His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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