I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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