but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I have fence marks all over my body
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
