i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
