I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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