youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
