I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
