genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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