similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
