escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
