you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Randomize
