i permit you to call me
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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