i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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