Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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