mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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