Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
