I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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